And One and a Bag of Chips

Mudpies and Fishfrys: Installment #4

So I was watching some people play some pick up hoops the other day… In the span of 10 minutes I witnessed five “And one” plays. If you’re not “in” on the basketball lingo: it’s when someone says the phrase “And one” at the moment they believe they are fouled while in the act of shooting. What “And one” means is that they would get a foul shot in addition to the shot they were fouled on. I don’t have a problem with the phrase itself. It makes sense. What I do have a problem with is the chronology of events.

This is what I witnessed:

Action A: Shot is taken

Action B: “And One” is yelled out (invariably with attitude)

Action C: Original shot is either made or missed

Do you see the problem? Exactly… Action B and C should be switched. The phrase “And One” begins with the word “And” which implies something very specific and unsaid has occurred. What is that something? THAT THE SHOT IS MADE. I have a real issue with the fact that at the time it’s shouted the success of the shot is unknown. Let’s face it, not everyone is Larry Legend with the licence to walk away from the money ball (mid flight) with a finger pointed to the skies. For the everyman it’s a very bad case of presumption. Presumption shouldn’t be accompanied with attitude either. It exponentially raises the chance of looking like a moron. I have the equation here somewhere…

I wouldn’t be surprised if I witnessed the following:

Snell Snapsandwich goes up for a layup. John the Giant blocks the ball and it goes into the second row of seats. John the Giants body collides with Snell thus fouling Snell. Snell yells “And One!”.

I contend that one should wait until they know with certainty that the original shot is made before they scream “And One!”. Take this as a tip. A favor. It was quite embarrassing to see that every time someone used that phrase they had missed the shot.

Think of it this way: Do you hear anyone shouting “And a bag of chips!” if they don’t have anything in front of them… just a bag of chips…? No, you don’t. That would be stupid. An act of idiocy. The proper way to use the phrase would be if you went to a sub shop, ordered a sandwich and soda and they threw in a bag of chips for free to round out the order. You could then say, “I got all of this… AND A BAG OF CHIPS!”. But you see… There EXISTS an “all this” (the sub and soda)… which precedes the bag of air with a few chips thrown in for poor measure. In like manner there should necessarily exist a MADE BASKET before the “And one”.

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